I can't tell if you're not as great a client as you may think yourself to be or if you have rotten luck. But truth be told- the "perfect web developer" as you described is not a web developer.

Think for a second:

Code - Web Developer

Design elements - Illustrator or designer

UX design - UX Designer

Marketing - Strategist, marketer, or SEO analyst

"Design eye" - Designer

SEO - SEO analyst, strategist, web content publisher

You're describing a unicorn. There's a reason why agencies have several different people fulfilling these roles. When I am coding, I am literally only seeing code and how the elements are working together. I am not likely to notice a spelling error, for instance, because I'm trained and paid to do something different.

For a web project like you're aiming for you need an ux designer with some illustration experience (ideally, experience as a director to really understand the brand and website purpose), a developer, and ideally a SEO strategist.

You'd take a clear process: content first, SEO planned out, design time, QA design, development, QA, launch + seo implemented. Add a buffer to every timeline/deadline and quote, have all your assets in one place, be willing to compromise, and don't overthink everything.

Obviously, this is very expensive. So you may need to compromise. Hire one of these. Maybe a great designer who can make a mockup of a premade theme that you can code/set up. Or you design everything and take the lead on QA/design guidance with a developer.